There is no failure without an object. There is no failure without a game you put there first. A game you set up with rules and conditions, clauses and subclauses, traps and mirrors. To be afraid of failure is to be afraid of success.
Do you know what it feels like to fail? How do you feel? Why do you feel that way? Where does your failure game come from? Where did you get the rules from? Did you plagiarize them? Probably.
In order to fail, you have to know what you are failing at. You have to know what your goal is, and you need to have fixed rules for success. The failure game is really just a glitch in your success game.
You are playing the opposite game. Failure is so powerful because you don’t realize how you set it up for yourself. Failure lies in the blindspot of your success.
As humans we like to imagine. We like to conjure up scenarios far away and hope for those scenarios to come true. But you might have realized that it also comes with the tendency to believe in those phantasms.
A vision is something you work toward, a dream is something you live in. A dream with rules is a game. You might even be fooled to call it of all things: real.
How clear are you about your image of success? How many rules and conditions have you attached to it? Maybe it’s the time frame, so you know when to prematurely give up. After all, timing is everything.
Or it could be the level of effort, so that you know how much sweat and pain you must spend before you can stop dismissing any rewards. But it could also be something small and superstitious, like success can only come if I become this, fill in the blank, person.
The presumed rules of success become the shackles of your fear. Unless the imagined specifics align with your goal, you are likely to dismiss everything that resembles it. Even when it’s right there in front of you. In a sense you won’t eat the main because it came with the wrong side.
That’s how you create a fear of action by expecting all the right conditions and details of your success image and game. Naturally, believing that your game is a reality, you won’t act unless all the details of your picture are right. There is no point in acting because the goal you are in for can only look one way.
And so you create the possibility for failure. Because now you can fail even when your object of success is right in front of you. Now you can fail in spite of success!
As long as you can spot discrepancies between your conditions for success and what’s out there, no event can convince you of its possibility, let alone reality. You might have noticed that there is no failure without the arbitrary rules you set in your game of success.
You create the failure and when it hits you, you pretend you didn’t do it. It’s still a curious paradox. With failure being a clear case of not meeting self-imposed rules, no failure is bigger than the failure of not being yourself. Would you rather fail at a game of yours or at being yourself?
Many people grow up with the idea that they must prove their worth before they permit themselves the personal freedom to be authentic. They see the world like a talent contest where they try to gain approval for their existence.
Strangely, however, they don’t show up as who they are but as who the other contestants want them show up as. A perfect recipe for life with no winners.
When it comes to failure, the choice is simple. You can either try to get better at playing your own little private success games, or increase your level of presence and become ever better at making your existence felt in the world by succeeding as yourself.
There is one thing that we can all succeed at. The most powerful success of all. The most private and intimate too, yet the most exhilarating. The success of shedding the games of self-absorbed dissonance and find the resonance to be freed from our self-imposed tyranny.
And you can display the boldness to break the rules of your own game and realize that violating your image of success is what will open you up to that which is already right there for you to seize. In fact, this is what will render you beyond success and failure. This is true and unconditional success.